By Judith Taylor
The lessons of openness never seem to come easily and smoothly day in and day out - the road seems to have stretches filled with the potholes and rough spots created from the friction between my needs and expectations and those of the people I love and care for. This morning my daughter Jess is angry and I’m upset. My need was to sit down at the computer for a few minutes and type in the outline of a couple of ideas and contemplations that had really inspired me. That obviously conflicted with Jess’s need to work out what she wanted from her day. I wanted, she wanted. Frustration mounted - "Please, just let me type these ideas in while they’re still fresh." "Mom, WHY do I have to do it today, why can’t it be tomorrow!" "I’ll talk to you about it in a few minutes." "But MOM"..." The friction came when both of us insisted that MY-NEEDS-HAVE-TO-BE-MET-RIGHT-NOW!
How do I get out of this particular pothole? It looks pretty deep from here at the bottom... My anger has wiped all thought of those wonderful meditative states out of the forefront of my brain and I’m still seeing red.
How do I shift this?
#1: It all comes to pass; it never comes to stay... i.e. SHIFT HAPPENS.
#2: The KISS principal - Keep It Simple Sweetie - I just remember to breathe, deeply and slowly. In for a count of four, hold for a count of four, out for a count of four, hold for a count of four and repeat the pattern. Extend the length with each repetition. Change the PH balance of the blood with each cycle and wash the adrenaline and anger residues out of the system.
#3: Find the way that works for me to recycle the energy of my anger into a positive direction.
For me, finding a spiritual method of shifting the unpleasant raw vibes is what works - today it’s sitting at the keyboard writing about my process to share it with others, tomorrow it might be journaling or a brief period of meditation. Sometimes a walk in the woods is what helps me turn the corner. My daughter does best to go off and do something physical. Today she is taking her energy into her room and being creative, stringing up Christmas lights around the doors and furniture. Not the big lights she wanted (that was another chance to work on how we lovingly argue with each other) but the delicate fairy lights that she so loves on the tree downstairs. This was a response from her own well of
experience, and didn’t come from me. If I had suggested it, she probably wouldn’t have felt like doing it. I trust Jess to do the right thing for herself, and know that we will come back together in a loving space soon.
#4: Recharge the immune system with thoughts and actions of compromise and compassion from a heartfelt, tender space. This time Jess initiates it first, asking me if I’d like to come up and see how she’s decorated her room. She’s beaten me to it. This time, I hadn’t yet had the mental or emotional clarity for the right approach to come through. At the HeartMath Institute (see below for address and website information) they’ve done a lot of scientific research on the effect of thought patterns and emotional states on the human body and (of specific interest to me) the human immune system. In brief, the research findings indicate that yes, anger, fear and unresolved stress do have a direct correlation with the immediate and long-term depression of immune system functions. The opposite is true, too. Thoughts of loving kindness, of caring, of compassion have the result of picking us up physically as well as psychologically. Thank you, Jess, for helping me remember.
YES VIRGINIA, there is a Santa Claus.
And we create the space for that to be so in our own hearts.
Judith Taylor
The Philosopher's Stone
HeartMath LLC
14700 West Park Ave.
Boulder Creek, CA 95006
831-338-8700 / fax 831-338-9861
WWW.HeartMath.Com
EMail to info@heartmath.com